Akatsuki GB
by Zorua101
Summary: The Akatsuki use "sexy no jutsu" and get stuck as the opposite gender. Pein orders them to go to the Hidden Leaf Village, find Naruto, and make him tell them how to change back. The result is a very unusual vacation...
1. Chapter 1: The Discovery

**Author's note: So, I got into Naruto Shippuden recently. Especially the Akatsuki. They're so awesome. :D Don't worry, I'm still working on the Yifinnti Conspiracy, but I'm working on about 3 other things besides that and this at the same time, so don't expect super-fast updates. Also, I completely forgot about everything I was writing for a while, and then I went on vacation for a week, and now there's school so I'm going to be busy most of the time... But still, I'll have time to write. Anyway, hope you enjoy.**

* * *

"Why do we have to do this, un?" Deidara complained as him and Sasori climbed up the tiled roof in the middle of a cold, dark night.

"We have to find his weakness so that we can capture him and take the Kyuubi," Sasori replied. "Now shut up or someone will spot us!"

"Why do we wear these cloaks anyway if we don't want to be spotted, hmm?"

"They blend in with the night. Didn't I tell you to shut up, blondie?"

"I told you not to call me blondie!"

"SHUT UP!"

The spiky-haired ninja glanced up at the window in the roof of his bedroom. Seeing nobody there, he shrugged and went back to practicing various jutsu. Grinning, he decided to try out one he made up himself.

"Sexy no jutsu!" In a puff of white smoke, Naruto became a girl with long blonde pigtails.

"Hey, Deidara. I'll bet that if you used that jutsu, you'd barely change," Sasori laughed.

"Do you want to bet, hmm?" snapped Deidara.

"You'll never be able to use it anyway."

"Oh, I will, un. Tomorrow, when we're practicing our jutsu ourselves, hmm."

"Yeah? Well, I'll try it, too. And whoever looks the most different is the manliest."

"Deal. And why don't we tell the others too, hmm?"

"Sure. I've always wanted to find out what they would look like as girls." Both of them burst out laughing, and then had to duck again when Naruto looked up and almost noticed them.

"Do you think we should retreat, hmm?" Deidara asked.

"I think so," replied Sasori. "He's almost noticed us twice. I think he knows we're here."

"Let's head back to the hideout, then."

* * *

It was the next afternoon, and all the Akatsuki members were gathered in the room they used for practicing their jutsu.

"Alright, everyone!" Pein shouted. "I need to go and get some paperwork done. You lot just keep practicing." He left the room.

As soon as they were sure their leader was out of earshot, Sasori and Deidara nodded to each other.

"Hey, everyone! Listen up!" Sasori yelled. Everyone turned to look at him. "Last night, when blondie and I were spying on the Kyuubi kid, we saw him use a jutsu that we thought it would be fun to try."

"It's a jutsu that turns you into the opposite gender, un," Deidara explained. "We thought it would be fun to see who looks the most different. So, who's with us, hmm?"

"I… I suppose it would be fun to find out what it's like to be a guy," Konan shrugged. "I'm in."

"That idea is ****ing insane! We'll be caught for sure!" Hidan shouted. "…I'm in."

"Am I getting paid for this?" asked Kakuzu. In response, Sasori held up a ten-dollar bill. "I'm in."

The other Akatsuki all ended up agreeing, after a lot of pestering in Itachi's case.

"Ready?" asked Deidara.

"Sexy no jutsu!" all nine of them cried at the same time. White smoke filled the whole room. When it cleared, they were all still standing there, but they were the opposite gender.

"Hmm, it doesn't take much chakra," Deidara commented. "Nor does it take much skill. A mirror, please?"

Sasori, barely containing her laughter, handed her partner a mirror.

The blonde stared at herself.

She stared some more.

Then she exclaimed angrily, "WHAT THE HECK?! I look the exact same, un!"

Sasori giggled. "I told you so," she said, with a flip of her long red hair. "So, how do I look?"

"Ugly," Deidara mumbled, handing the mirror to her partner.

After glancing in the mirror, the puppet mistress grinned. "I bet you're just angry that you don't look any different and I do."

"I am NOT, un!"

"Sounds like you're in denial to me," said Hidan. "Now hand over the ****ing mirror."

The mirror was passed from person to person. Most of them were happy with their new appearance, except Itachi, but he was never happy about anything.

"Hey, can I see myself? Please?" Konan asked. Itachi stared at him, open-mouthed. "…Uh… What are you staring at, creepy weasel?"

"We'll show you who's creepy," Itachi said angrily. "GET HIM!"

Konan instantly turned around and fled, the crowd of girls right on his tail. He seemed to run for hours, and his lungs felt as if they were going to explode. Finally, without thinking, he barged into the nearest room and slammed the door behind him.

The room he had barged into was Pein's office.

Pein looked up from his paperwork with a shocked expression on his face. "KONAN?!" he exclaimed. "What happened to you?!"

"Err, well, Deidara and Sasori came up with this crazy idea, and we all ended up using a jutsu which–"

Before he could finish his sentence, the other Akatsuki all rushed through the door at once and tackled him to the ground.

"Now admit that we're not creepy, jerkface!" Tobi demanded.

"Get off me, you idiots!"

"Not until you do as she says," Itachi responded calmly.

"Fine, fine! None of you are creepy in the slightest! Now get off of me!"

The other Akatsuki climbed off of him. Konan stood up at the same time as Pein.

"WHAT DID YOU ALL DO?!" he roared. "WHY ARE YOU GIRLS?!"

"Blame it on Deidara!" shouted Sasori. "It was her who thought of doing it in the first place!"

"No it wasn't!" cried Deidara. "Sasori said that I wouldn't look any different if I used it, and I said that I would, and then he said to prove it, so I agreed to use it today during practice!"

"What?! That's not what happened at all!" cried Sasori. "_You_ said that _you _would prove it!"

"Catfight!" shouted Konan.

Deidara and Sasori glared at each other.

"Shall we settle this like real women?" asked the blonde.

"Bring it on, sister," replied the puppet mistress.

Deidara slapped Sasori across the face. Sasori slapped her in return. After a few more face-slaps, Deidara jumped on top of her partner and started trying to pull her hair out. Sasori screamed, grabbed the front of Deidara's shirt, and threw her off. Deidara quickly regained her feet and scratched the side of Sasori's face before she had the opportunity to rip her blonde hair out of her skull. However, Sasori still managed to knock her partner onto the floor and scratch repeatedly at her face.

Up until this point, Pein had been too absorbed in watching the fight to notice the sound of someone rummaging around in his desk drawer. In fact, he wasn't aware until Itachi stood up next to him, holding a video camera to record the fight. To be honest, he didn't really care until Zetsu walked up and slapped him across the face.

"Moron!" she yelled. "Aren't you going to do anything to stop the fight?!"

Pein glared at her. "If you want it stopped so badly, why don't you do it yourself?"

Zetsu rolled her eyes. "Because I know they won't do as I say! _You're _the leader, stupid!"

"Whatever."

By this point in the fight, everyone was getting bored. Pein was considering stopping the fight, when Hidan stepped in and lifted them both off of the ground by their necks.

"IF YOU TWO DON'T ****ING STOP FIGHTING RIGHT THIS SECOND, I'LL ****ING RIP YOUR ****ING THROATS OUT!" she roared.

Whimpering, Deidara and Sasori scrambled back to the others. As soon as everyone was in line, Pein cleared his throat.

"Now, I want all of you to turn back into your original genders and never speak of this again. Understood?"

"Um, there's just one problem, sir," Deidara said quietly. "You see, we don't exactly know _how _to reverse this jutsu…"

Pein sighed. Already he was only hanging onto his temper by his fingernails. "Do you have any idea who might know?"

"The Kyuubi kid, sir," replied Sasori. "It was him who invented the jutsu, I think."

"Then go to the Hidden Leaf Village, find him, force him to tell you how to turn back, and get back here immediately."

There was a collective groan from all of the Akatsuki except Tobi.

"Do we _have_ to go to the Hidden Leaf?" Kisame whined.

"Yes, you do," replied the leader.

"It'll be fun, guys!" Tobi said happily. "Like a vacation!"

"I suppose we could use a holiday," Itachi mumbled.

"That's settled, then," Pein said. "Now go pack your bags."


	2. Chapter 2: An Unusual Vacation

**Author's note: Yes, a new chapter already. It's because I had already written this one when I posted the first chapter, I just didn't want to post this before. I don't know why. Enjoy this chapter please!**

* * *

"Senpai~!"

Deidara sighed and looked up from her suitcase. "What now, Tobi?"

Tobi skipped into the room. "Tobi was a good girl and started packing early, so now she's finished!"

Deidara was about to yell at her to go away, but just as she opened her mouth, she had an idea and smiled sweetly instead. "That's great, Tobi! You _are _a good girl! But you know what would make you an even _better _girl? If you helped me with my packing, too!"

"OK then, Senpai!"

Konan was almost finished packing when there was a tentative knock at his bedroom door. "Come in," he said without turning around.

The door opened, and Sasori walked in. "Hey, Konan," she greeted him. "There was something I wanted to ask you… Well, do you have any woman's clothing that I could borrow? You see, we can't exactly wear our Akatsuki robes in the Hidden Leaf village, or everyone will know it's us…"

Konan sighed and walked over to his closet. He took everything out and threw it down onto the bed. "Take what you want. Give the rest to the others. Oh, and I might need something from your closet too. Tell the others that I'll be searching their rooms for clothes. OK?"

Sasori nodded, grabbed the pile, and walked out. "Everyone! I have some clothes we can divide between us!"

"Can I have this dress, un?"

"No, I already claimed that."

"What?! No you didn't, un! If you did, you would've said!"

"I was just about to say which outfits I'd already claimed, dimwit!"

"I'm not a dimwit, YOU ARE!"

Konan sighed and left to search the others' bedrooms for clothes.

* * *

A few hours later, everybody was standing in the meeting room.

"Has everybody packed their bags?" asked Konan.

Everybody else nodded. The bluenette couldn't help but notice all the scars where they had been fighting over clothes. He suddenly realized the way they probably used to think of him when he was a girl.

"Good," he continued. "Now we just need to figure out our method of transport."

"We could use some of Deidara's birds," Kisame suggested.

"No we couldn't, you ****ing idiot!" yelled Hidan. "There aren't any birds like that in the Hidden Leaf village! We'd be spotted!"

"I hate to admit it, but he has a point," Kakuzu admitted. "We'd be too conspicuous."

"We could–" Tobi started.

"Shut up, Tobi," snapped Deidara.

Tobi sniffled. "Nobody listens to Tobi's opinions…"

"We could take the bus," suggested Zetsu.

"…What the _hell _is a bus?" asked Itachi.

"I have no clue."

"Guys, here's an idea: Why don't we _walk?_" suggested Sasori, as if she'd come up with some new concept.

"Ingenious," Konan said sarcastically.

"Well, there are no birds and there are no buses – whatever _those_ are – so I suppose we have no choice but to walk," Itachi sighed.

"It'll be faster if we start walking now," Konan told them. "Let's go. Oh, and one more thing…"

The others turned around. "What?"

"While Pein isn't with us, I'm the leader."

The guys turned girls groaned.

* * *

It was seven hours later, and they had finally arrived at the Hidden Leaf village.

"I'm so tired," Deidara complained. "Can we just find a hotel and rest before we go looking for the Kyuubi kid?"

"We might as well go and find an apartment or something right now," Konan consented. "It would save us from having to do it later."

"Excuse me!" Without asking the others' permission, Tobi ran over to a girl with pink hair held back with a red headband. "Can you tell us where to find a place to stay, please?"

"I think there's a hotel over that way," the girl replied, pointing to the east. "Are you new here?"

"Yeah, we're new," replied Sasori. "My name is, uh… Sarah, by the way."

"I'm Sakura," the girl introduced herself. "If you need anything while you're here, just ask." She smiled before walking away.

"Sarah?" asked Deidara, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, I couldn't just say "Hi, I'm Sasori"," Sasori snapped. "That's like saying "Hi, I'm a psycho evil serial killer"."

"True. We're going to need different names while we're here," Konan said. "I'll stick with Konan, but I'll spell it with a C. Like Conan the barbarian."

"Can't we think of our names when we get to the hotel?" asked Deidara.

Konan sighed. "Well, we're all tired. Let's just go and rest."

By the time they reached the hotel, they had completely forgotten about thinking of new names for themselves.

* * *

"Senpai~!"

"AAAA–" Deidara's scream was quickly cut off by a gasp as Tobi jumped right on top of her. All the yelling had woken up the other Akatsuki, too.

"What's going on?" Itachi asked tiredly, rubbing her eyes.

"Tobi…" Deidara groaned. "Must you wake me up in such a violent fashion, hmm?"

Kisame looked at the clock. "It's seven in the morning…" she grumbled, burying her face in the pillow.

Deidara growled. "Why me…?" she muttered, turning over.

"Sorry, Senpai~," Tobi apologized.

Sasori sighed. "Now that we're all awake, we might as well get up…"

* * *

"So, we need a plan."

"Thanks, captain obvious."

"Shut up, ugly fish."

"Why don't you shut up first, weed?"

"Kisame! Zetsu! Stop arguing!" Itachi snapped.

"Was I _really _like this when I was a girl?" Konan wondered out loud.

"No," replied Sasori, "Because you didn't have any other girls to argue with."

"True."

"Hey, Sarah!"

Sasori glanced up to see Sakura running toward him, waving. She waved back. "Hi, Sakura!"

Sakura reached the group. "Hi! So, I was just thinking."

"You were? Shocking," Deidara commented.

Sasori slapped Deidara across the face. "Shame on you, Dianna! Don't be so rude to our new friend!"

"Dianna?" the blonde mumbled, rubbing her sore cheek.

Sakura glared at Deidara before continuing. "I was just thinking of going to the hot springs with the other girls, and I thought that maybe you guys could come, too! I mean, it would be a good chance to meet some other people in the village."

The puppet mistress smiled. "Sure, we'll come!"

Sakura smiled back. "Great, see you there!" She ran off.

Everyone glared at Sasori.

"Why did you ****ing tell her we would go?!" yelled Hidan.

"We're here to catch the Kyuubi kid, not to relax!" Kakuzu agreed.

"But maybe it'll help us get closer to the blonde guy's friends!" Sasori cried, making up an excuse on the spot.

Everybody stopped to consider this for a moment.

Konan nodded. "Seems OK."

Sasori relaxed.

"Let's go," said Deidara.


End file.
